Beauty of Rainy Season

Still no rain yet, huh?"
"Still no rain. Who knows when it's going to come" my host dad, a rice farmer replied. This was a typical lunchtime conversation earlier this month as the days ticked by with still no rain and yet the days got hotter and hotter.

...And then one day it happened. I was teaching my 5eme I class about numbers when all of a sudden I hear the all too familiar "TING!" of a raindrop hitting the steel roof. Then "TING...TING TING...TING TING TING!" And then just a deafening drumming as the sky lets loose and unleashes the long awaited first rains. All the students at this point have completely lost concentration and have become mesmerized with watching the rain out the windows. A few even clap in excitement knowing how much this rain was needed. I shrug my shoulders then I too head to the door to watch and appreciate the spectacle that has announced to us all the official beginning of rainy season.

For some though (myself included at times), rainy season only elicits feelings of dread. Clothes never drying after being washed. Solar panels never fully charged. Leaky roofs. Roads becoming impassable muddy streams. Being wet. All. The. Time.

But as I reflect on my experience with rainy season from last year, the memories that stand out the most are ones of joy. There's the memories of running barefoot home from school with a gaggle of girls giggling as they trail right behind me. There were the days everyone wakes up and finds their friends to go walk to the bridge to see how flooded the river got overnight. It was the times I got caught in downpours and had to take shelter in a strangers house and was able to leave as new friends. It was the moments I sat on my porch and watched the storm roll in as I ate lychees. Or the days in class where I just have to scrap my lesson and laugh because my students can't hear a word I was trying to say.

Sure, rainy season has its downfalls, but if done right, with the right attitude, it can also be an incredibly beautiful time of year.

Serendipity: Presence over Performance

Not to generalize, but in America, many people find their worth in what they do. When people first meet each other one of the first questions to be asked is almost always, “what do you do?”. We like to brag about our busyness and even if we aren’t busy, we want others to believe we are so that we seem important and valued. Coming out of four years of being a student athlete where my motto tended to be, “sorry I can’t do xyz because I’m busy with soccer/studying/working”, one of the many reasons I joined the Peace Corps was to detach from this pace of life at least for a couple years. I chose to go to an African country because I wanted a more relaxed, relational lifestyle. However, I also chose to be an education volunteer because I knew myself and I knew I needed at least a little structure in my life. I was hoping to find a nice balance.

I’m not an expert in a lot of things, but one thing I am an expert in is being afraid of the unknown. As the school year was winding down I began thinking (aka stressing/worrying) about the vacation period and what I would do with my time. Teaching had become my life here. I took on a pretty heavy teaching load and then also began an English Club in my town as well as joined a girls soccer team and then just trying to live and cook and clean here takes more time than in the States and so despite my attempt to move to Madagascar to slow down, I was busy. And I loved it. I fell into the trap of thinking that as long as I was doing something all the time then I was important and valued in my community. But soon all of this was going to end and I had no clue what I was going to do for the next couple months. And that was terrifying. I began questioning my effectiveness as a volunteer; I retreated to my room often trying to think of what I could do or plan next so that I could stay “busy” for this next season; I felt super self-conscious about my Malagasy language skills thinking that since I have been in country for a year now then I should be better than I was; I felt like my community was constantly judging me. I just felt useless. It was a rough couple of weeks. And the worst part was that I was still working at this time. All these fears and insecurities were all based off of the unknown of the upcoming season.

BUT per usual, so many of these fears/insecurities were unfounded. The first day of my official “summer vacation”, I woke up and like normal I went to my market to grab breakfast and get coffee. Since I wasn’t teaching and wasn’t in a rush, I had time to just sit and chat for a while with my coffee woman. Shortly after breakfast then a friend poked her head in my window and asked me to join her as she went down to the river to wash clothes. I spent the morning helping her wash clothes and got to join over a dozen other women who were doing the same thing as this is a common Saturday chore. As I left many of them thanked me for talking with them. I returned from the river around lunch time where I joined my host mom, dad, and two brothers for lunch. In the afternoon then I joined a few friends from my girls’ soccer team and we watched the boys play soccer until sunset.

I wasn’t teaching. I wasn’t really working on anything. I didn’t accomplish much. But I was present.

As a Peace Corps volunteer it’s so easy to get into the mindset that when we’re at site we always have to be doing something useful or productive for our community. There’s always this inner pressure to perform. Sometimes its pressure to be the best teacher, or pressure to start the best projects, or to have the most clubs, or work with the most teachers.

That first day of vacation was serendipitous though; I expected to be lonely, bored, and a disappointment to my community when I was no longer teaching every day. What that first day though and many of the following days have taught me is that more than anything, people appreciate your presence. They appreciate my effort to speak their language. They appreciate me attempting to integrate into their culture. They appreciate me allowing them to share their lives and me doing the same. They appreciate a small greeting followed by a smile. It’s always a constant battle of feeling like my performance is what people value. But if I’ve learned anything over this past year, it’s that 9 times out of 10 people just want your presence. Your friendship. Your time. Your heart.

School’s been out for me for about a month now and in that time I was able to attend a funeral in my community and see all of the culture surrounding a death. I attended a day long celebration at my church. I started a girls club at my middle school. I’ve had a dozen little kids crowd into my house several afternoons as they colored with my crayons. I had time to practice with my soccer team. I sat and talked with people I usually don’t have time to talk to. All things that had I still been teaching I wouldn't have had time to do. But then I was fully present. The pressure to perform is very real for many Peace Corps volunteers but at the end of the day what I’m starting to learn is that our presence tends to be a greater gift than any other acts we can perform. As an American that’s a hard concept to grasp but one that’s simply so beautiful. Presence over performance. It's a hard balance to find but one worth pursuing. 

“We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something.”   
― Mother Teresa 

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Teaching in Madagascar (Year 1)

The Good: 

Ugh! Too many good moments and experiences to include them all from this past year. I teach four classes, two sections of two grades at the CEG (middle school equivalent). My smallest class was 52 and my largest was 68. I loved every one of my students though! 

They're at such a fun age where they're so pliable and eager to learn and not too "cool" to do some of the shenanigans I throw at them. 

One of my favorite parts of teaching though has been seeing my students so excited to use English outside of the class. Since my town is so small I see many of them through out the day and they always greet me in English. It shows me that they not only are learning but are also enjoying it as well. There will be days when I finish teaching and there is audible groans because the students aren't ready to be done. That really makes you feel good as a teacher, especially since in the states when class is finished students can't leave the class fast enough. Here many wait for me so they can walk with me back home. 

I've also loved seeing the improvement in my students. My youngest class walked in never having taken English and now I can have conversations with them about their name, their age, their favorite food, color, and sport, what they like and don't like, and about where they live. That's so exciting for me. I'm so incredibly proud of all my students. (Also I should probably apologize to any other PCVs reading this because everyone has vastly different experiences and I don't think my students are the norm in how eager and overall well behaved they are. Maybe they're actually little aliens??)

But I should also mention that this school year wouldn't have been what it was without the support of my director and fellow teachers as well. I'm surrounded by a crew of really great people who have been a big help in getting me adjusted to teaching here. 

Besides for teaching at the CEG though, I also taught at a university. This was quite a different experience; instead of having class sizes ranging from 50-70 I had two classes that ranged from 8-15 adults. I enjoyed getting to know these students since they are around my age and we could have conversations in English. In June when my family came the students got to ask questions about America and my family got to ask them about Madagascar. This cultural exchange was definitely one of the highlights from the year. 

Overall it was just a really good year. There are so many more good moments or experiences I could share about from this year. 

But now for the Bad: 

With having such large class sizes it's hard to tell when/which kids are falling through the cracks often until exam time and then at that point it's too late. One of my goals for next year is to try to figure out a way to prevent that. A lot of my teaching is based around whole class participation which makes it easy for students who don't want to try to just coast. And the Malagasy are such relational people that even if I do call on an individual, if they don't know the answer then other students will help in order to save face for that student. 

Something else I'm struggling with is that recently I saw the upper classes exams at the CEG and they're significantly more difficult than the exams I'm giving. However I've talked with many students from those grades and they have no clue what the exams are saying. They've just learned to memorize certain things and write those. I've even been able to compare my students to the upper levels and when I ask them questions or translation from Malagasy to English, my students knew way more. It's frustrating then seeing the curriculum and the pace and level they try to make students get in order to pass a national exam before they reach high school. And somehow people pass but they have no real understanding of English. There are so many students who take English for 7 years but then finish school and still can't answer some of the most basic English questions. They might be able to pass a test because they're trained for it but they can't speak the language or even really comprehend what's on the test. And it's just frustrating because so many people here want to learn English but in my opinion there's just an institutional breakdown in the way English is being required to be learned/taught.  

On the other hand, at my university there is no curriculum which also brings it's own set of difficulties. It took me quite a while to figure out a good teaching style that these students would not only beneft from but also enjoy. It's something I'm still working on and hope to improve for next year. 

Also having just finished university myself, at times I really struggled stepping into an authoritarian role here. Most of my students are around my age or older and I myself am still trying to wrap my head around the idea that I'm actually an adult (I mean come on, I'm still coloring, playing soccer, and hanging out with little people most of my day so can you blame me for being a little confused about this whole adulting thing). But slowly but surely I'm finding a good balance and have gained a lot of confidence in myself this past year. Which, by the way brings me to the "ugly". 

The Ugly: 

Teaching here in Madagascar there are many differences from the schools in the states and so in many ways I've had to get creative in order to teach a foreign language. Before Peace Corps though, let's just say, there wasn't really a creative bone in my body. So it may come as a shock to many of you that nowadays I can be caught singing, dancing, and drawing all in an attempt to teach in a way that makes sense to my students. And let me tell you, it's pretty ugly to witness. But hey, it's working. And here's a little secret too: I'm actually really enjoying it. 

The good, the bad, and the ugly. I wouldn't trade this year for the world. I've been challenged, I've grown, I've gained confidence in myself, and I've had a lot of fun. I can't wait to see all that year two brings! 

March Little Victories

I keep a journal and every morning I record something that happened the day before that I consider a "little victory". Something that either made me proud, made me happy, or just something good that can always remind me why I'm doing this. So these are my Little Victories from March:

Today was simply incredible. My students fill my heart in a way that's undescribable. I spent the while morning just hanging out with them out by the field; dancing, watching basketball and soccer and just talking. So, so happy. 

I made rice and bean burgers, made a bun, topped it with avocado and had a side of French fries and ketchup. Who needs meat

I spent a total of one hour in my house today from 9 this morning until 6. I love being part of my community 

A proud little teacher's moment: some kids were out watching sports and one of my students was by me with some of the older girls. They starting practicing English and my student kept showing up the older student with what she knew. I was proud but at the same time sad that the older girls knew so little. 

Today was apparently like a teachers work day and I didn't know  that but my classes in the afternoon all still showed up! They know how clueless I am!

My milk/church lady friend is simply the best! Conversations with her in the morning always brighten my day. 

At the grade ceremony the top students stood on a podium and then a teacher came and did the traditional three kisses to congratulation them. The other teachers made me do that to one of the grades and the little victory is only that both me and the students didn't die of complete embarrassment 

Had my first real successful time fripping today

The time in Mantasoa for IST was so nice to be able to be reunited with all the other volunteers. 

Went to a movie theater in Tana. That was a pretty wild experience. Also today I had a burger with fries, ice cream and popcorn. Not quite used to that kind of luxury 

Really just thankful for the friendships I've formed with other volunteers here. I couldn't do this without them.

Getting back to site I was greeted by some of my students who helped me carry my stuff to my house. I really do just love it here 

The adjustment back to site was easier than I anticipated. My students still like me. My community still talks to me and only every other person I greeted again asked for a volondalana instead of every person. Also Mama Zaza made ravitoto for lunch so today was good

Today it started downpouring in my 6eme class and we're going over colors and no one can hear me. I end up just holding up the color squares I have and then the students all just begin yelling with all their might so I could hear them. It was priceless. They're so stinking cute 

There was a whole plethora of goodness today. I sat and reconnected with my counterpart and her family. Somehow stumbled onto an all girls soccer team. And then my sweet old lady friend/neighbor just randomly gave me two oranges when I passed her house

I love being able to just be weird in class and make learning as fun as possible

Today was another day for the records book of favorite days at site. In the morning there were ceremonies for their Commemoration day which included lots of dancing and spending time with lots of people because no one was working. Then in the afternoon I played in a match with my girls team and basically the the whole town was there to watch

I love when my friends come over and we can just sit and talk. Time is such a gift 

February Little Victories

I keep a journal and every morning I record something that happened the day before that I consider a "little victory". Something that either made me proud, made me happy, or just something good that can always remind me why I'm doing this. So these are my Little Victories from February:

VAC in Andasibe was a good time. Got to relax, see some lemurs, and eat some vazah food. And I'm getting a lot more comfortable traveling on my own

Finally stepped up my cooking game; I made a tortilla, added potatoes, onions, tomatoes and egg which made for a  pretty bomb burrito

My kids are slowly learning that I know Malagasy and they love it. I love these goobers so much

If my basketball game keeps slowly improving then I may actually finish off these two years and not be completely horrible

Four hours straight with 6eme always amazes me how I make it through. I love these little guys but man they're hard work

Learning how to deal with difficult, important people. Not fun, but important life lessons coming from it

Did part of the tree planting bike ride and it was so good to spend a couple days with other volunteers. We've got a cool bunch and the program is a really cool idea

Malagasy know how to dance and can dance forever. I sure don't know how to dance but I really did have fun trying today

Today I was playing soccer near the tsena with a group of students and this lady comes and jumps in goal and then played in our PK shootout too. It was amazing

Thankful for mom and dad and our weekly calls. I just need to talk every week and I appreciate their willingness to let me vent and also talk about the good things

A couple of my university students came over and saw all my vocab on the walls and loved copying it. They were so happy to get new English vocab. It was cute

Taught my kids the days of the week song to the tune of the Adamm's family and they loved it. It was one of my favorite teaching days

Some days I feel like I'm not very good at Malagasy but other times like when I'm helping Niny with her homework and I can explain most things in Malagasy then I feel a little better about my language ability

Adulting. I've been locked in my house grading papers all day. But Madame Fanja was a big help in teaching me how to calculate all the scores

Forced myself to take a little break from grading and went out with some of my students and they/I had a great time learning English and then also teaching me how to dance. That was something...

Spent the weekend with my friend and she had done my hair in the morning and then when we got to her cousin's house her cousin and her cousin's daughter had their hair done the same way too. It was cute

The crocs guy by my market that would always call me vezah and who didn't know I could speak Malagasy for the longest time, for some reason called me Katie today. I don't know when he learned my name or why today he started but yay for integration

All the girls from my university class left to go do something and so it was just me and guys and I thought it would be terrible but they were actually strangely good

Today I handed back the exam to my 6eme classes and I said good job and one of the classes started clapping. They're so funny

I played the Malagasy version of dodgeball today. I had never seen it played before today but it was fun

In the morning was the CEG's cleaning day and so all my students were supposed to be helping to plant trees and clean brush but all the girls just wanted to talk with me

In the evening I had a good conversation with a man who was so excited to talk to me in Malagasy

January Little Victories

I keep a journal and every morning I record something that happened the day before that I consider a "little victory". Something that either made me proud, made me happy, or just something good that can always remind me why I'm doing this. So these are my Little Victories from January:

Today was almost too good for words. I love my friends and the immeasurable amount of kindness everyone here has shown me. Life is good

If you hammock they will come. Pretty sure the whole village could hear the squeals of kids as they swung on my hammock. Joy is such a beautiful thing

Went on a little hike up a mountain to this field with Niny and some friends and planted seeds in the morning. The views were great and the company even better

Today the new batch of vezahs arrived and when MamaZaza was trying to tell me they were coming she was so cute apologizing for using the word vezah to me

My usual mofo Gasy place was packed this morning so I went to a new one and just the way I said "yeah" they said they could tell I already knew Malagasy and we had a really good chat

I was part of the welcoming committee this morning for the new vezahs with Tafita, Menja, Bonefast and Gote. We walked around and showed them the town

I love how whenever I'm looking for one of my friends everyone offers to help and just starts yelling their name. Works every time

I can't get over how good my students are, I don't know how I got so lucky!

Survived getting to, traveling around, and coming back from Tana; that's a big victory in itself

In the evening me and my group of Malagasy friends taught the new volunteers Malagasy. I'd like to think that them seeing me speak Malagasy partially inspired them to learn

Managed to give a 2 hour lesson in one in an attempt to catch my students up from when I was gone

I enjoy teaching. Not everyday is easy and not every lesson goes as planned but I like my kids and I like seeing them learn. I'm thankful for that

Sometimes letting life take you where it may leads to the best kind of moments. A group of little kids that I pass on my way to school everyday always yell vezah so today I stopped to talk to them and next thing I know I'm holding all their hands and going on a little adventure.

Good mofo Gasy in the morning always constitutes a win in my book

I love that my students like me outside of the classroom. They love seeing me at the market and especially when I play soccer or basketball with them and I love that I have the time to do that here.

I appreciate Niny always including me in things every day. Even if at times it feels suffocating I think its better than the alternative of being lonely.

Saying yes even when you're not entirely sure what you're about to do almost always lends itself to a good time.  Today I went to Angela's with Niny, Caramel, and Charlene and learned how to make mango and rotcha jam

I finally mastered the perfect cup of vanilla chai tea- the secret: socolait. And perfect timing on a rainy evening too

Did a song lyrics listening activity with my association students and there's something so beautiful about hearing your students sing Heal the World by Michael Jackson

Today it started down pouring in my 5eme class where no one could hear anything (we have tin roofs). I just looked at the class- they knew and I knew I had no clue what to do next and so we all just started to laugh at the situation (and eventually I did find a way to keep teaching)

The little kids here have my entire heart. I spent the whole afternoon first with my neighborhood goobers then with the kids by the field just tickling and chasing them. Days like today a smile never leaves my face

I was able to buy apples today in Amparafa and I don't know if such a simple type of food has ever brought me so much happiness

Climbing trees, picking fruit, having running races, eating so much rotcha it hurts your stomach. Today was like a day from my childhood and I loved every minute of it

Cooking with friends in the morning, getting my hair braided in the afternoon, playing mother hen to dozens of kids in the evening, I love my little life here

Thanks to my lovely Kibo Krew friends advice on how to cook rice I made my first pot of actually good rice. Still not up to par with Mama Zaza's but I was still proud

It started pouring at the end of class today so I told the kids I was going to wait and they could stay and play an English game if they wanted and it was cool to see how excited they were to stay. Also I walked home barefoot and everyone loved that ha!

My students are hilarious and I love them so much. That's all. That's all I need. My heart is full

After days of straight rain and clouds, today, my laundry day, the sun was shining all day. Score!

December Little Victories

I keep a journal and every morning I record something that happened the day before that I consider a "little victory". Something that either made me proud, made me happy, or just something good that can always remind me why I'm doing this. So these are my Little Victories from December:

I had a good morning coffee interaction, its so nice being able to speak Malagasy when people expect me to speak French

Today I cleared the board while all 5 of my students were on break and they came back and said they had the "cool" teacher, ha!

After my last class of 5eme for the day a little girl walked me home and held my hand the whole time.

For my first 6eme class it started pouring right at the beginning and no one could hear anything but by the time Madame Fanja got done helping me with attendance it stopped raining and we were able to begin teaching.

What had started out as a planned day of solitude turned into an afternoon of little people all over my yard, a nice little walk with my new shy little friend, and then a walk with Menja speaking and teaching English and Malagasy back and forth.

In the morning I was at my coffee lady and a rogue omby started coming my way and she opened her door to let me come inside. People are wonderful.

Sat for a couple hours with Aina (my host brother) just trying to work on my rubic cube. It was a peaceful afternoon

I made peanut butter for the first time today! I may never buy peanut butter again

Called home with the gang all there. My heart is so full!

Niny came to my house to see if I wanted to spend time with her. It was such a good afternoon

I have running partners! We start at 5am and its slowly killing me but I am doing it and I have accountability

Maybe my purpose here isn't to save the world but rather to become the best version of myself and to be a good friend/person. Let myself live and enjoy this period of abundance and give that abundance of joy, peace, and friendship to others. Let myself enjoy being in this moment

Thankful for Tafita and Menja and their willingness to help me with my Malagasy no matter how bad my memory is

My little students are so eager to learn and practice English! Anytime they see me they're practicing their greetings, it's so precious!